Psycho Killer

Alright, let's go with the topic of Psyche first. This is pretty much the most important topic, since I can't solve the others with this one in disarray. Also it is the topic that has troubled me the most lately. There's three main points to it: Stress, sloth and misery.

Stress. Probably hard. Probably easy. I never had any training in stress reducing exercises or anything and it is vastly affected by all my other problems, which cause a lot of (di)stress. Which also makes it kinda easy to solve, because it will just regulate itself as I go on accomplishing other goals. I'll largely ignore this for now, even if it is a big factor. I just need to stay focused and psyched up. Which leads to our next point.

Sloth. You could probably just call it lazyness, but that would be an understatement in my case. My sloth has been the main reason for me to get in this position. It has plagued me since 7th grade or so and has repeatedly been my undoing. I have problems with it. Massive Problems. To a point where it might be an idea to go to a shrink. Heh, wouldn't be the first in my family to do so. Anyway, over the years I found out that there's a thing to keep me going: Time.

Deadlines and dedication to a reachable goal that is not completely out of sight always made me move more quickly (or at all). I never envisioned the changes I wanted in my life so I failed. I spent pretty much all night doing just that now. Setting goals and trying to see them, envision them. I am psyched up about my plan like never before and this blog binds me to that commitment. I will try to keep it up this time. I will prevail. But while we're talking about commitment...

Misery. I have been quite miserable lately. Not only due to the various problems in my life which I managed to dismiss to a point of ignorance, but mainly because my girlfriend left me. Since this blog is pretty much in-depth personal about me, I might as well tell what's going down. For the sake of not always saying "girlfriend" let's call her Melinda. That's not her real name, but as good as any.

With an ocean between me and her, you could call it a really-long-distance relationship. Or rather not, since we aren't in a relationship anymore. Melinda told me she wants to "take a break", since she "can't be in a relationship right now". As much as I see that she is indeed in a troubling, life-changing situation, I have to say that this looks pretty much like something else. I talked to several people that have been in a situation like her (which I won't discuss here) and they all told me the same thing: Their relationship gave them strength in it. It was a secure haven amidst the storm. A romantic thought, but reasonable. What Melinda did was something else. It had (nearly) nothing to do with the situation. I will discuss this in a seperate post.