I can only make assumptions here, but there is a condition that pretty much describes - in detail - the way Melinda acted. Down to the very words and phrases she used several times to describe what she felt. Emotionally Unavailabe. Until a few days ago I didn't know that phrase. But the more I think about it, the more it explains. Emotionally unavailable people (most often men, but women, too) have difficulties showing their love/feelings and can't commit. If you ever watched Sex And The City (my mom practically forced me to) Mr Big is such a person. Even though feelings exist, those people are afraid of a relationship. It binds them and it robs them of possibilities (not as much other possible love interests, but regarding their own lives). Getting a deeper understanding of this condition (and thus Melinda's reason for the break-up) has helped me a great deal to get to a point where I can deal with it.
Considering our age group, this is rather common and will just go away with time or it will stay until the person manages those emotions and can process the reasons for it. The first possibility will probably take some years, the latter can come tomorrow, in a year or never.
I sent her a message the other day since I had not heard from her in weeks. She told me this was because she pretty much shut down all communication to the outside world. I guess because she wants to focus on her current tasks. And that is the problem. With her fully focusing on her job, to a point where she doesn't even talk to people that aren't working with her, how is she supposed to come to terms with her emotions. She told me the break would go until she "got her shit together", but I guess she can't do that until she confronts those feelings, and I guess that won't happen until her situation changes to a point where she doesn't have to focus that much anymore. Since I know her schedule, that point will be around early spring next year.
Wow, about eight months, that's hard. At least eight months of suffering, wondering when it will happen and if it will ever happen. And then what? Let's say she would really get her shit together instantly, which won't happen. Then we will have been broken up for about nine months, in which she will not have thought about me a great deal, since she focused on something else. Will there still be any feelings left?
How about me? Either I suffer for nine months (and believe me, one month was hard enough) and will unconsciously resent her for it, or I will move on emotionally and it will be questionable if I still have a lot of feelings for her.
If you look at it like that and analyze it logically, the best choice would be to move on, forget about her and find happiness either alone or with somebody else. Usually I try to let logic and rationality decide my course of action, so I should do that, right? But I can't. Even with one month of distance (or more if you take into account that I wasn't able to talk to her since January, really), our relationship was the best I ever had. I felt complete and truly happy. I still love her and I'd gladly suffer and wait for her. But what is the point in making myself miserable, probably for at least a year, if I can't even tell how big the chance of us getting back together is? It is probably rather small. Like...really small.
I don't know how to handle this in the end, but for now I will go with a mixture of what my gut and my mind tell me: I will not dismiss my feelings, but I will shut them out for the time of this renewal. Until my life has changed. This is kinda the same thing she's doing, but at least I won't hurt anyone with it right now. Maybe I could. I think she still loves me and if I told her she would think that I moved on and completely dismiss me (which would probably cause her some bad thoughts as well). If I told her, that is. But I won't. I won't lie to her, not even withhold the truth from her, but with our current level of (non-)communication I'd have to actively seek her out to tell her. And I won't do that. I don't want her to get the wrong impression and I don't want her to feel bad because of me, which would cause stress and hinder her in her situation.
I can't just shut my feelings for her out like that to focus on rebuilding my life. I can't. But I have to try. Else it will destroy me.
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